shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
