Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
