I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
