looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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