I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Watching her eat just hurts me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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