based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
