The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
