I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
