First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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