It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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