Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
