how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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