So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
