Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
