They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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