im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
