my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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