he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
