More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
