I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
