There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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