he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
