Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
