Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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