Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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