the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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