Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
