What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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