goodnight i made you a song goodbye
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i've created a new STD.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
