I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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