Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
