Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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