Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
