i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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