Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
