my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
