Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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