awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
