I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
