I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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