just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
