First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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