Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Come on in and take your pants off
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