I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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