New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
