names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
