my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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