When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
