i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No subtext here. People are naked.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
