if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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